What I Don't Do (Hosting Edition)

Some of my friends intend to host but never do. They procrastinate on planning events because they’re worried about getting everything perfect. PSA: people want to hang out together. The logistical details matter less than you think.

I’ve been hosting regularly for 3 years (minus covid times). People often tell me they enjoy my parties, but by most objective measures I’m a bad host.

There’s common advice about starting a business: you don’t need a website, you don’t need business cards, you just need one person to pay you. Parties are similar: You don’t need a clean house or fancy cocktails, you just need a few people you want to get to know better. 

(What matters are good vibes and psychological safety, but that’s for another post).

So today, I want to share all the ways that my parties are imperfect: 

1. I don’t own enough cups. At every party, some version of this conversation happens:
   Friend (thirsty): Where can I find a cup?
   Me (innocent): Check the cupboard.
   Friend (suspicious): The cupboard’s empty.
   Me (innocent): I guess we’re out of cups.
   
   I also don’t own enough forks.

2. We ask our guests to clean their own dishes before they leave. Andrew makes a speech: if all guests everywhere washed their own dishes, people would host more parties; together we can change the world. It’s cheesy and dumb, and also effective.

3. I don’t provide alcohol; I don’t like drinking. At most events, a few guests will bring wine or a six-pack. If these run out, there is no more alcohol.

4. I don’t serve food on time. If I have a dinner party at 7 pm, food is often not served until 8:30 pm or later. This happens often, and yet I never warn my guests.

5. I don’t always clean beforehand. Sometimes my floors are dirty; In that case, I tell my guests to leave their shoes on.

6. I don’t cook, even when I’m hosting a “dinner party”. I order Thai food. (Yes, the dinner is still always late; I should call the Thai place earlier, but I don’t).

7. I don’t send out invites on time. I intend to send invites early, but sometimes I dilly-dally and end up sending them the day of. I once texted Chris at 6:44 pm on a Friday night and he spontaneously agreed to throw a party with me that night. Fifteen people showed up, which was a nice size for his studio apartment; a great time was had by all!

Despite my many hosting fouls, my friends say very kind things about my events, and they keep coming back. So if you’re thinking about hosting, do it! I’m sure you’ll be a more prepared and generous host than I am 😂. And if you want moral support or have questions, DM me.

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Links

• I continue to get a lot of value from my monthly Walden Pond subscription. WP is a personalized magazine made up of articles you’ve saved to Pocket. I’m more engaged with posts when I read them on paper; I like to scribble in the margins.

• A vision (literally) of a more walkable, bike-able New York City.

• “The anti-concreteness meme is the rhetorical tendency, so hard-baked by habit that it becomes deliberate at a certain point, to avoid knowing about anything exactly. It is avoiding actual facts in favor of speculation and impression, the privileging of patinas over profundity. It is the overuse of “yada yada” instead of necessary explanation or detail.” - Daniel

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